A Little Bit of Heaven
Walk with me, amidst the rainbowed clouds. Take my fears and rain them down, pounding on the cement ground. Let the pain pierce the sky, light a light show with thundering sounds. When it is all over; when the storm calms; the rain stops, the lightning passes and the sounds mere echos, look with me, beyond the horizon to the endless canvass of twinkling stars and know that heaven awaits.
New Lense
The new tele lense :) I was on the other side of the pond...
Now to find something interesting to photograph
Spiralling
Once upon a time, there was a village with peaceful villagers, unafraid of the wars and violence of the rest of the world. In the middle of the night a deadly power ravaged the village. Homes were burnt down, children were terrorized, men and women taken into slavery. Those left in the city came together and built a wall around their small and vulnerable city. The gates were locked with an iron chain and the villages depended on themselves for everything. A long time passed and none were allowed to enter the little village. Until one day, what seemingly was a hero knocked and offered security and strength. The villagers embraced this hero and let him into the gates. There were merriments all over and the people rejoiced, for finally they felt safe once again. However, when all the villagers were fast asleep and the hero was supposed to be guarding the village, he casually left the gate opened and went for a stroll. On his stroll he found some splendid leaves and sat himself down for a smoke with his pipe. While he floated off into his own little world, the village was left to burn and all those that were left were now gone... The hero, returning in the morning found the village in ruins. Instead of trying to salvage what was left, he ran away. The village was never to be again.
I reached out and got no response. What I so fearfully said was lost amongst the echos of the unwanted voices. This feeling is beyond being deserted - at least you would know that someone left. This feeling is like pouring out your heart and letting go of the one thing that knots your stomach to the one person you wanted to make that feeling go away to begin with and having them not acknowledgeyou ever said a single word.
Brokeness complete.
Why do I keep opening that door to those who don't want in?
Why do I keep knocking at the doors that do not want to be opened?
Why do I keep hurting myself in hopes that that same wound no longer pains.
Lost Paradise
With Aloha I said good-byeA hui hou kakou - mahalo
For the mau loa now forgotten
No kau a kau eia au
A dream now lost
Apopo moe'uhane make me ke po
Aloha
Throw in the Towel
The scenario is simple.You broke the heart of the one you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with.
Their wound healed, best it can.
The hurtful things more or less a fragment of the past; a caution for the future.
But life has moved on.
Do you pry open those old wounds to reconcile something that is not reconcilable?
Perhaps the answer is only obvious to me.
Sometimes selfish notions to make oneself feel better should be disregarded. In making yourself feel better, the other person has now been re-damaged.
I tried not to think about it; I tried not to dwell upon it.
What bothers me isn't the action.
What bothers me is WHY the action.
Why now? (Really - why EVER?!!! Lack of shame? Lack of conscience? Lack of everything and anything that would scream no?)
Why kick up old dust that has long settled and blown away?
It will pass, just as many other things that bother me.
In the interim....
Where do I find comfort in this moment of abysmal loneliness.
Can anybody even fathom reliving such a painful memory?
Walk with Me
Walk through the garden with me
Listen to the fables of old
Smell the sweet scent of roses
Before the thorns learn to grow
Techni-colour Dreaming
Once upon a time, the stars were not the limit and the sky was not too high. What happened to the youthful bliss.
Today I am having my mini quarter life crisis (assuming I live to 104
.) Anyway, back to my point. I remember just short of four years ago, the whole world was mine and if there was such thing as perfection, I had it. I was happy, I saw the world ahead of me for the conquering. I saw this amazing life. I had pure and unadulterated love in both my hands.
It's both a little amazing and a lot scary how much your ideals can change in such a short period of time. I think this morning the idealist in me died and a realist was born. Some say this is good, but I really think it's not. I'm a Libran you see and Libras need balance in everything in their lives. It's not an exaggeration, everything has to make sense. Everything is black and white. When the idealist dies, even that one little bit of me that was reserved to allow for grey and unknowns also dies.
I realized this morning that I am extremely tired. Like this guy -->
There are reasons I could list, but listing them doesn't make them disappear, so I will save my time. Instead I'll just say that some of the circumstances can be altered, some can be fixed, some, I suppose, if I ignore long enough might even go away. Now...
here's the realist speaking,
"how do you quantify the time you allow for this phenomenon?"
The once idealist (which also spawned a severe optimist) would have just said,
"have faith".
The realist asks,
"In what?"
Hm.
So I'm left to dream in techni-colours, in a blur, in a hopeless hope that maybe the idealist might awake and the realist calm itself.
Maybe.
Passing By
Why do we so often rush our lives away?
Have we forgotten to stop and just watch the sun set some times?
Have we forgotten to stop and just watch the sun set some times?
Pots of Fire
Set ablaze the fond memories of yesterday.
Set ablaze the predefined expectations.
Set ablaze the once upon a times.
Set ablaze the should haves would haves could haves.
What are these desires that won't go away?
What are these questions that circle?
What are these desires that won't go away?
What are these questions that circle?
Cattail
The physical:
It's edible in the spring/summer time
Specifically the rhizomes
The fluffy stuff is good tinder
The metaphysical:
Even as the new emerge, the old cling on for dear life
The psychological:
It reminds me of how Spring needs to renew me.
Shed the winter and start anew.
Too Close
I learnt that some people can only focus on the immediate problem. While the circumstances and environmental factors affect the problem, they choose to ignore it and only nit pick at the one thing. They become so narrowed minded that nothing is ever an issue. When you dissect something down to so small a piece, of course you have nothing; of course that tiny piece is irrelevant all of a sudden. Yet, forgetting to zoom out, they often do not realize that without that tiny piece, the integral whole is now incomplete.
There's a slight tangent being drawn, but one with probable cause. I learnt that people who have a need to dissect things down to insignicant pieces lack the ability to take responsibility in their lives. They become the casualty of what I term self-victimization. Basically all their actions and reactions have no consequences or bearing on self, they are all things done upon them by someone else; some other factor. An obvious example: One cannot mope and say "I am so much worst off then the rest of the world because I live on the streets" when one chose, without uncompromisable circumstances, to live on the streets. How do you feel sorry for someone who is in their current situation when they willingly chose to be in that situation?
In closing the tangent, my point is these people need to wake up and look at themselves and realize that things happen around them, within them for a reason. No one coerced them into their decisions. If in turn, the decisions cause an undesireable outcome, one must take responsibility to change it and not use the world as their scapegoat and do nothing with fantastical hopes that things will change on their own.
The world is not a stage and life is not just a film. Cut and paste is not a function is society, contrary to popular belief.
Every action has a greater or equal reaction.
When you cannot take control of your life, nothing will come of it. When you let those who should mean anything slip away because you cannot be bothered to give them priority, they will go away. When all you can do is feel sorry for yourself and never consider that your state is self-inflicted, you will never learn to cherish and respect all that is around you and stop taking for granted that the world is there for your blaming. Wake up, there's more to it then "I didn't do it".
Rainy Drive Home
It pittered and patteredBut not quite slattered
Dripping, Dropping
but not quite sopping
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